By Abdullah Jawad Rasul

In most masaajid, we hear many speeches and heart to heart talks with uncles and aunties about the rights of parents over their children. We hear about them so much because unfortunately a lot of people do not fulfill their duties to their parents. But we also need to go into the topic of the rights of children. In my dissection of the issue,(figuratively speaking, I believe in Peace for All) I observed that the rights of the parents and children are interdependent, in fact some rights of children maybe needed in order for the rights of parents to be fulfilled. I know at this time your eyebrows might be raised and some of you are about to make judgments but HOLD YOUR HORSES.

The biggest clue in this maybe lies in where the rights of each party start; the rights of parents do not start before the birth of the child and actually not even until much after that birth. However the rights of children start way before their birth. (Before I go any further and start getting labeled and refuted against, I would like to say that this is absolutely not a justification for any child to not fulfill the rights of ANY parent. This is just for us to understand why a certain problem may have occurred. And once you read it all, I am sure you would at least understand where I am coming from.

When it comes to children, we learn from the sunnah that there are three major rights that children have over their parents.

1. To choose for the children a righteous father/mother: This is very important right that the children have and a very important choice that you (brother or sister) have but affects your children in a much bigger way than it affects you. When you marry that person, you are fully capable of distinguishing between right and wrong and you know the Islamic ways of doing things because your parents taught you that. IF your parents did not teach you that, then it was totally a surprise turn in your Qadr, ordained by Allah, that Allah guided you and you learned it. If He didn’t, you wouldn’t know that, Correct or Not? So it seems there are only two ways of learning these things: through parents or by Surprise. And can anyone count on a latter? If not, then make sure you let your children count on the former. Parents are the children’s first teachers, super heroes, role models, and leaders. Are you going to choose a gorgeous beauty whom uses the F-word like its “Hi” and let your children look up to them?
2. To give them a good name: Firstly we see that many times this is the task that must strengthen the child’s character with the family he is born in by making the name rhyme with the rest of the siblings or similar to the father’s name or such patterns like that. While, in the sunnah, we learn that this task should strengthen the child’s relationship with Allah. Rasulullah (sallahAllahu Aleyhi wasalam) informed us that the two most beloved names to Allah for boys are Abdullah and AbdurRahman. Secondly, the name affects the people. To understand it in the easiest way, ask yourself this; Would you name your child Devil? Why Not? And Thirdly, the name is not something totally in your (parents’ dominion) rather it is an amaanah that truly belongs to the child since he or she will be called by those names not only in their whole life in the dunya, but also on the Day of Judgment. So don’t embarrass him in front of his classmates in school, and don’t let people say he is such a big sheikh/doctor/president/general but when one looks at his name, they don’t match.
3. To teach them the Book of Allah: I know engineering and medicine is important but remember when you were speaking to your non-Muslims coworker, you told him about all the science in the Quran, if you teach your children the Quran properly, they will eventually get the hint that they should excel in some worldly science in obedience to the commands of Allah in the Quran. You want him to be dutiful to you and listen to you, not one book of Medicine tells them to be dutiful to the parents, nor does ANY worldly science either. Teach them the Quran and you get everything else as a gift from Allah. Teaching doesn’t mean that they can read it in Arabic but don’t understand one word of it, teach them the understanding of it, let them see what Allah told them and just sit back and watch the results.

Now, think about it, what if your child is non-practicing and is disobedient to the parents (mother or father)? And you never taught him how important it is to be good to the parents which is (no. #3) in the Quran, do you actually believe they will give you your rights? You can engineer your children actually. Do the above three and you will get an A grade in your child. Otherwise, they are going to be some other grade. I am sure none of us want that.