MY LIFE

Ahmed Essam El Din Gamea

I live and the life is beautiful all goes well and all so happily

I live this life and make my adornments the pleasures of this world endlessly

I live and I laugh with all of my shames sinfully

I live and lust for the gender haram to me, willingly

I live and when speaking to them forget my modesty

Whether it’s Muslim or not I have forgotten my humility

I laugh and flirt, my protection was presented oh so weakly

I live and forget when I come to my lord and my duty

I live and the music is pleasure to my ears oh so pleasantly

I live and disobey my parents increasingly

When they say my love, I frown and turn away stubbornly

When they ask of me a favor I forget all that was favored for me

When they’re upset, I am angered forgetting the smiles they presented cheerfully

When they cry I turn my back, I close my eyes, and cover my ears cold heartedly

When my siblings are in need I turn away and go my own distance instantly

When Rabbi calls me and asks of me I turn and disobey his majesty

I lived and laughed, I forgot and spoke mockingly.

I disrespected and disobeyed. I belittled and became proud foolishly

My heart was cold and my eyes were dry, I hear no beauty in His word thoughtlessly

I turn my back when the caller of good calls for me

In this state my life is beautiful and full of pleasures oh so lavishly

My wallet full of the paper I misused destructively

When they asked for help I mocked their poverty

When they asked for help I forgot their existence mercilessly

When my brothers asked for help I swam in the rivers of the worldly paradise ruthlessly

When my sisters needed me I took advantage and enjoyed my time carelessly

When my life suffers sorrow I blame the ONE for His all wise destiny

My patience left to a far away journey oh so hastily

When my sight was given to me, I chose the lusts over the Almighty

My wife I beat, my one I cheated, my body I sold so cheaply

My friends I loved, and their life was similar to mine in identity

My alcohol I drank, my pleasures I smoked, my sins I yearned passionately

My prayers were lacking, my dua was empty, and my life kanat jannaty

The sinners I defended, the righteous I scorned hatefully

Where is my goal and where is my line? Then a day came all so suddenly

24 hours have not come to pass; it was all a blur, timed precisely

Not a second back nor a second forward, the event would come inescapably

I wake up and find the shadow at a distance staring at me

Approaching and closer was he getting, walking persistently …..

My heart trembled, to ease my pain I indulged in my pleasures once more recklessly

But the shadow was ever so near, and the figures came at me violently

Pain was my companion; I cried my first rivers of sorrow desperately

My heart was ever so alive……he snatched my soul pulling me viciously

I clung unto my life as much as my capability

Till with force my nerves and veins burst with agony

My eyes stalked my soul as it departed brutally

They cursed me exclaiming my soul to have lived maliciously

Woe to my odor as it fouled a stench most intensively

Terrifying was their sight, one of vengeance spitefully

They beat me ruthlessly, my face, my back, there lacked the meaning of mercy

A voice proclaimed MAN RAAAAQ, who will cure it? Only if this was a possibility.

They wrapped me with the garments of hell, misery upon misery

I cried and cried, Rabbi Rabbi, I Ask for you oh so humbly

Rabbi Rabbi show me the light, I beg of you save my eternity

My time was up, I had no hope, the glass has broken and the sands were used entirely

There was no compromise nor peace in my eyes, the angels obeyed their Lord faithfully

My soul bruised and hammered, a feeling indescribable to the mortal psyche

The voices of the heavens thundered with words scornfully

I am taken to the high skies, shunned was I from the gates of the heavenly

Met with the worst of greetings, the gateways shut, banned from entry

My body in the freezer awaiting a delayed burial, look at the state of me!!!

Wal taffatil saqu bil saq, this was the day I tried to escape stupidly

My body enveloped by the garments of death, no longer living, simply a memory

They carried my corpse to my awaited home, my grave, my retched cemetery

My soul thrown down from the heavens to the ground, I lived a life of treachery

In my new home all alone, Why did I not weigh the warnings heavily

My friends are gone, the ones I now hate, they were my aid in misguiding me

Tears in theirs eyes only for a while, and now they continue their life happily

Where is my family, where is my joy, where is the money I used wastefully?

Their presence was temporary, only if I was aware of this reality

The world was turning, the sun was burning, what ended was my life and that only

I wish I had a chance to go back in my past and fix my adversity

I wish I can change the times I looked at every haram unfortunately

I wish I can take back every word I said unnecessarily

I wish I realized, the people I despised, were those who can now help me

I wish I gave more care and protected myself, fulfilling my modesty

I wish I gave my wealth before my death, to the afflicted with poverty

I wish I wiped the eyes of my beloved, the one who gave birth to me

The one I disrespected and disobeyed repeatedly

These were my days …. I forgot my lord and now I am forgotten rightfully

It’s me and my grave, the footsteps walk away, and silence is my company …

Now the trials start…… I cry thinking of this continuous misery

This is a glimpse of the life I lived, and a fouled taste of the state of me………