Your Mother, Your Mother, Your Mother

Abu Huraira reported that a person came to Allah’s Messenger (saws) and said,

“Who among the people is most deserving of a fine treatment from my hand?” He said, “Your mother.” The man again asked, “Then who?” He said, “Again it is your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” Our Prophet (saws) then said, “Again, it is your mother.” The man again asked, “Then who?” Thereupon he replied, “Then it is your father.” [Muslim]

What was your first thought upon first glance at the title of this article? Two teens getting into a “yo mamma” insult exchange or the hadith of our beloved Prophet (saws)? It is so sad that disrespect to parents has become such a common pastime today. Due to the prevalence of horrible treatment to parents, we tend to underestimate the severity of such a sin. How can we laugh at kids engaging in a “yo mamma” battle when we hear the wise words of our Prophet Muhammad (saws):

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr: Allah’s Apostle (saws) said. “It is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents.” It was asked (by the people), “O Allah’s Apostle! How does a man curse his parents?” The Prophet said, “‘The man abuses the father of another man and the latter abuses the father of the former and abuses his mother” [al Bukhari].

Parents are sacred. Mistreatment of parents is one of the worst sins:

Allah (swt) states [in surat al Israa]:

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small” [al Qur’an 17:23-24].

Here Allah (swt) commands obedience to parents directly after the worship of Him alone. To say the mildest word of disrespect against your mother or father, even if it is as tiny as “oof” or a gesture such as rolling your eyes, is prohibited. If letting “oof” slip through your lips is forbidden by Allah (swt), imagine the wickedness of the acts children commit against their parents in today’s society.

The immense importance of goodness towards our parents is seen in a hadith recorded in Saheeh Muslim and Saheeh al Bukhari:

‘Abdullah b. Mas’ud reported:

“I said: ‘Messenger of Allah (saws), which of the deeds (takes one) nearer to Paradise?’ He (the Holy Prophet (saws)) replied: ‘Prayer at its proper time.’ I said: ‘What next, Messenger of Allah?’ He replied: ‘Kindness to the parents.’ I said: ‘What next?’ He replied: ‘Jihad in the cause of Allah.’

Allah (swt) places this deed in a very lofty position. He chose our parents to be the direct means of our existence so the least we can do is honor them in a manner befitting their status before the Eyes of Allah (swt). If being kind to our parents is a deed that will direct us towards Jennah, we should view it as such and strive to be amongst those who are granted Paradise, by the Mercy of Allah (swt), for treating our parents with obedience, respect, honor, kindness, and care.

We have been provided with several beautiful examples of the respect and kindness many of our pious predecessors have exhibited towards their parents. Allah commands us to be good and obedient to them but when we hear the amazing stories of those who preceded us, we realize how far kindness towards our mother and fathers can reach.

In the hadith about the people of the cave narrated in al Bukhari and Muslim, we learn of one man who said,

“O Allah, You know that I had old parents whom I used to provide with the milk of my sheep every night. One night I was delayed and when I came, they had slept, while my wife and children were crying with hunger. I used not to let them drink unless my parents had drunk first. So I disliked to wake them up and also disliked that they should sleep without drinking it, I kept on waiting till it dawned.”

If this man was able to do this for his parents, yet we remain disobedient to ours, how can we look at ourselves in the mirror every morning knowing that we are required to be kind to them and, furthermore, that we are capable of unlimited heights of kindness towards those who raised us, cared for us, protected us, and nurtured us?

“My Lord! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You, and make my off-spring good. Truly, I have turned to You in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims” [alQur’an 46:15].

Are YOU Treating Your Parents the Way They Deserve to be Treated?!

QUIZ

If one or both of your parents are alive:

1. Are you obedient to them?

1. Always

2. Often

3. Sometimes

4. Rarely

5. Never

2. Do you respect and honor them?

1.Always

2.Often

3.Sometimes

4.Rarely

5.Never

3. Do you treat them with kindness?

1.Always

2.Often

3.Sometimes

4.Rarely

5.Never

4. Do you make du’aa for them?

1.Always

2.Often

3.Sometimes

4.Rarely

5.Never

5.Do you care for them (financially, emotionally, physically)?

1.Always

2.Often

3.Sometimes

4.Rarely

5.Never

To calculate your score, add up all of the points you accumulated:

A = 4 points

B = 3 points

C = 2 points

D = 1 points

E = 0 points

17 to 20 Points- May Allah (subhanahu wa taala) reward you for your devotion to your parents. Keep up the good work and remember that kindness to your parents has no limit so keep trying to do more for them!

13 to 16 Points- You are doing okay but make sure that you notice the particular areas where your treatment towards your parents is less than satisfactory. Although you may view your score as “pretty good,” you cannot be satisfied with that when it involves your treatment of your parents!

9 to 12 Points- You are treading a very dangerous path. Learning about the honorable position that parents hold according to the ayaat of Allah and the ahadith of Prophet Muhammad should motivate you to treat them as they deserve to be treated! May Allah (subhanahu wa taala) guide you towards improving your treatment of your parents. Ameen.

5 to 8 Points- How can you expect the forgiveness and mercy of Allah (subhanahu wa taala) when you are not kind and merciful to those who have raised you? To those that Allah (subhanahu wa taala) have made the direct means of your existence? To those who cared for you when you were helpless? You are in a sorry state and you better begin to take the command of Allah to be dutiful to your parents seriously- before it is too late.

0 to 4 Points- How can you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning?! Parents are sacred and if you are mistreating them, then you should be terrified that you may meet Allah (subhanahu wa taala) in this state. You are taking advantage of the hearts of your parents. How ungrateful is the one who treats a source of mercy and compassion in such a way? Now is the time for you to repent to Allah (subhanahu wa taala), seek the forgiveness of your parents, and begin treating them correctly. Do not allow another second to pass without seeking the pleasure of your parents.

If one or both of your parents have passed away (May Allah have mercy upon them):

1. Do you pray for them (if they were Muslim)?

1. Always

2. Often

3. Sometimes

4. Rarely

5. Never

2. Do you ask Allah to forgive them (if they were Muslim)?

1. Always

2. Often

3. Sometimes

4. Rarely

5. Never

3. Do you fulfill their wishes and promises (as long as they are permissible)?

1.Always

2.Often

3.Sometimes

4.Rarely

5.Never

4. Do you honor their friends (visiting, calling, caring for them)?

1.Always

2.Often

3.Sometimes

4.Rarely

5.Never

5. Do you keep ties with relatives you are related to through your parents?

1.Always

2.Often

3.Sometimes

4.Rarely

5.Never

To calculate your score, add up all of the points you accumulated:

A = 4 points

B = 3 points

C = 2 points

D = 1 points

E = 0 points

17 to 20 Points- May Allah (subhanahu wa taala) reward you for your devotion to your parents. Keep up the good work and remember that kindness to your parents has no limit so keep trying to do more for them!

13 to 16 Points- You are doing okay but make sure that you notice the particular areas where your treatment towards your parents is less than satisfactory. Although you may view your score as “pretty good,” you cannot be satisfied with that when it involves your treatment of your parents!

9 to 12 Points- You are treading a very dangerous path. Learning about the honorable position that parents hold according to the ayaat of Allah and the ahadith of Prophet Muhammad should motivate you to treat them as they deserve to be treated! May Allah (subhanahu wa taala) guide you towards improving your treatment of your parents. Ameen.

5 to 8 Points- How can you expect the forgiveness and mercy of Allah (subhanahu wa taala) when you are not kind and merciful to those who have raised you? To those that Allah (subhanahu wa taala) have made the direct means of your existence? To those who cared for you when you were helpless? You are in a sorry state and you better begin to take the command of Allah to be dutiful to your parents seriously- before it is too late.

0 to 4 Points- How can you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning?! Parents are sacred and if you are mistreating them, then you should be terrified that you may meet Allah (subhanahu wa taala) in this state. How ungrateful is the one who treats a source of mercy and compassion in such a way? Now is the time for you to repent to Allah (subhanahu wa taala), continually pray for your parents, and begin fulfilling their rights even though they have passed away. Do not allow another second to pass like this.